Treat yourself with compassion Karen Bluth: awesome summary by ebookhike

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Author: Karen Bluth

The Self-Compassion WorkbTreat yourself with compassion: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are Karen Bluth 2017

Treat yourself with compassion
Treat yourself with compassion

Change every day(Treat yourself with compassion)

When you are 14 (12, 13, 15, 16), your life is like an extreme sport. Every day new sensations, and experiences, the mind is captured by emotions. This is because every day you are dealing with a lot of changes – outside and inside.

Changes around. Now a lot of things are happening in your life at once – new acquaintances, changes in relationships with parents and peers, moving to another school, preparing for university, falling in love …

Changes inside. The brain of a teenager is only 80% formed, it is still in the process of development. Of particular importance is the development of the limbic system of the brain (it is responsible for emotions) and the prefrontal cortex (responsible for analysis and willpower). The limbic system changes faster, so the emotions in your life often take precedence over the mind. Do not be surprised that feelings can change ten times a day, that you cannot always make an informed decision. And at this time, the body produces more dopamine – the hormone of pleasure. That is why in adolescence, all sensations are stronger than in any other period of life. And of course, you constantly want to repeat these thrills: therefore, sometimes you are drawn to exploits …

Much of what is “wrong” in your life right now is to blame for nature. But you yourself feel guilty: it didn’t work out, you didn’t cope with it, you behaved stupidly there. A grumpy critic in the head does not sleep. You listen to his grumbling, and the mood is just terrible … Adults teach: be restrained, polite, and condescending to others. But what about yourself? Maybe you should show the same indulgence and compassion for yourself too? Maybe you should be kinder to yourself? Of course, it’s worth it! Stop scolding yourself, endlessly criticizing for failures, and seeing yourself as continuous flaws – and almost all teenagers sin with this – is very important. And this does not mean at all that you need to put on rose-colored glasses and stop seeing reality. 


Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem: Not the Same

Surely you have heard more often not about self-compassion, but about self-esteem. It’s not the same thing. Self-esteem is related to how you feel your worth to the world. Wrote the annual test in algebra with excellent marks – self-esteem is growing. Your basketball team won the city championship – self-esteem jumped up.

But there is one catch. Self-esteem often depends on what you do, and you can do something either well or not very well, and not everything depends on you. And self-esteem can also be based on comparing yourself with others: “I understand algebra better than Vasya”, “my team is better than the rest in the city.” But if you make a mistake in something or circumstances intervene, and now your self-esteem is flying down, you feel insecure, and worried.

Self-compassion is more reliable than self-esteem. Its principles:

  • do not compare yourself with anyone;
  • love yourself not for something, but simply for the fact that you are you.

In a word, you can count on self-compassion not only on happy days but also on difficult times. Especially in difficult times! Sounds good, but how do you feel self-compassion? As with anything, it takes practice.

Below you will find some exercises. They are not at all like school ones: do them at any convenient time and as many times as you see fit. The changes will be gradual, so take your time: here you are not competing with anyone.

Exercise “Meeting a friend”

Sit or lie down, close your eyes and listen to your breath. Feel how your body gradually relaxes. Now imagine a place where you feel absolutely safe. It can be real or imagined, in nature or in your own home. Imagine it in as much detail as possible: sounds, smells, sensations. More than anything, imagine your well-being in this beautiful place.

Now imagine that soon a guest will come to you – your best and most reliable friend. It can be a real person, it can be a character from a book or a pet – it doesn’t matter. It is important that this friend accepts you for who you are. You can either walk towards him or let him in: the choice is yours.

Imagine yourself in the company of a friend, listen to the peace reigning around. Imagine that a friend understands absolutely everything that worries you at this moment, and is going to say something in support – what you yourself want to hear right now. If such words do not yet come to mind, do not worry: enjoy the presence of a friend. Maybe you want to share something with him? What do you say in that case?

Stay in the company of a friend for a few minutes, and then say goodbye, remembering that he will return any time you want. After all, this friend is part of you. Kindness already lives in you.

Open your eyes and listen to your feelings. How would you rate them on a scale of 1 to 10? Remember that there is no one right way to feel, we are all different!

Your rational prefrontal cortex will thank you if, after doing the exercise, you think about it a little (better in writing – you can keep a notebook for this). The following questions will help:

(Treat yourself with compassion)
  • Was this exercise difficult for you? What was the difficulty?
  • Did you feel better after this exercise?
  • Do you want to repeat it?
  • What new things did you learn and understand thanks to him?

Formulate answers as freely as possible, do not think about spelling and punctuation. Leave a comment for every exercise you do.

Exercise “Two voices”

Remember the fresh, hurtful statement from your inner critic (“You are the worst player on the team!”).

Why do you think the critic is so outraged? Maybe he has some purpose? Maybe he even wants to help you? Motivate you? Or save from new mistakes? Write down the goal if it comes to mind. If you agree that the inner critic is trying to work for you, find a few words of gratitude for him.

Now think about what exactly provoked the criticism (“You missed the decisive ball, you are of no use!”). Write down the typical remarks of a critic (“If it goes on like this, you will sit on the bench until retirement”, “It’s actually strange that you weren’t kicked out of the team!”).

And now look at all this flow of negativity with a fresh look. It’s not easy for anyone to hear that, right? Ask the critic to be silent for a while and give the floor to another voice – the voice of support. To feel it better, put your hand on your heart, feeling the light pressure of the palm, calm heartbeat, warmth. Maybe it’s easier for you to imagine that the same best friend from the first exercise speaks kind words. Or someone close with whom you get along. What could cheer you up? (“But in the last match you got two unrealistically difficult balls”, “The coach never said that you are a bad player”, “Actually, everyone makes mistakes”, “I know how hard it is for you now”, “Cheer up, I’m near”). Repeat words of encouragement to yourself and write them down in a notebook. The bigger, the better.

(Treat yourself with compassion)

What is self-compassion

Self-compassion has three components:

1) kindness to yourself (even in the most difficult moments of life, you find words of comfort and support for yourself, as you would find them for your best friend);

2) awareness (you pay attention to all the feelings that you experience without judging yourself for them);

3) seeing yourself as part of a community (it’s not easy for you, but you go through the same trials as all teenagers at all times; even if sometimes you feel completely alone, this is not so).


Kindness to yourself

What does it mean to be kind to loved ones, friends, and pets? It’s simple: take care of them, support them in word and deed, prepare pleasant surprises for them … And what does it mean to be kind to yourself? The same thing: take care of yourself, cheer up in difficult times … But everyone is taught, first of all, to take care of the feelings of others, and to be stricter and more demanding with oneself. But the truth is this: you will be truly kind to friends, parents, and loved ones only when you learn to show compassion for yourself.

The fastest way to be kind to yourself is to do something nice and loved. You will surely find several such activities – this is your personal express delivery of a good mood.

Even better, if kindness to yourself becomes your permanent habit. Train her with simple exercises.

Soothing touch exercise(Treat yourself with compassion)

Choose one or more soothing touches – those that unmistakably work just for you: put your palm on your chest and feel the beating of your heart, stroke your face … You can even hug yourself – tightly wrap your arms around, like the girl Flavia did from the wonderful detective Alan Bradley “Sweetness on the crust of the pie.” These kind touches are so important that the brain responds to them by releasing the joy hormone oxytocin (it is produced when we wrap our loved one in a hug, and when we pet a pet). The soothing touch can be used in other exercises described here.

Exercise “Words of Support”

(Treat yourself with compassion)

Think about what has thrown you off balance the other day. For the first time, let this not be the most fatal problem. Remember the situation in as much detail as possible. Now remember your feelings. Admit that you were uncomfortable at that moment. Don’t forget the soothing touch.

Now think about what words you would be glad to hear at such a difficult moment. Say them to yourself (if you wanted to hear “You are loved”, then say this phrase in the first person: “I am loved”). It may seem strange at first, but most people generally find it strange to be kind to themselves. Here’s to others – please, this is taught from childhood! Therefore, if it is difficult to come up with words of support for yourself, imagine that someone close to you is saying them to you. Wish them with all your heart.

Exercise “So be it”

(Treat yourself with compassion)

Sit comfortably or lie down, relax. Think of any living being to whom you relate with unconditional warmth. It could be a friend, a grandmother, your dog. Like all of us, this being undoubtedly wants to be happy. Mentally tell him a few phrases, while trying to very clearly feel the feelings that lie behind these words:

  • Be happy! (Think about it: what does “being happy” mean?)
  • Feel that you are loved! (What does it feel like to feel loved?)
  • Accept yourself the way you are. (And what is it? ..)

Now imagine that you are standing next to this creature and words of support are addressed to the two of you:

(Treat yourself with compassion)
  • May we both be happy!
  • May we both feel loved!
  • May we be able to accept ourselves as we are!

Imagine that the creature next to you is receding into the background and now these words are addressed only to you. Repeat them to yourself:

(Treat yourself with compassion)
  • May I be happy?
  • May I be loved?
  • Let me start accepting myself for who I am.

Maybe other words will come to your mind: it’s not about the wording, but about the feelings behind them. It is important, when pronouncing phrases, to believe in these feelings: you speak, and this is so. Find words for yourself that you would be glad to hear every day, that would instill in you a sense of support. It is better to have at least a couple of such phrases, but no more than four, so that they come to mind faster.

Working with such phrases at first may seem unusual. The main condition for success: do not rush. Give this exercise 5-10 minutes a day, preferably at the same time in the same place. Set a reminder on your phone so you don’t forget to exercise.

Exercise “Writing to myself”

Write a letter of support to yourself on behalf of your best friend. Don’t worry about grammar and punctuation, don’t worry about style. The main thing is to be sincere and kind to yourself.

(Treat yourself with compassion)


mindfulness

Surely you have caught yourself doing this more than once: chewing your usual breakfast without feeling the taste, going to school without paying attention to the road, listening to a friend, but not remembering what he said … Most of our lives we live on autopilot. It is useful when you memorize a foreign grammar or learn to play a musical instrument, it is important to bring the actions to automatism. But when it comes to your emotions, the autopilot is no help.

In order not to live on autopilot all day, you need to be able to be aware. It means to fully focus on the present moment with all its sensations, sounds, and words. Mindfulness is very important for self-compassion: how can you help yourself if you don’t really understand how you feel? The good news is that mindfulness can be learned, and you can practice it right now!

Exercise “Look out”

Set a timer for one minute and during that time, pay attention to all the surrounding sounds, near and far. What did you hear? Did you hear sounds that you hadn’t paid attention to before?

(Treat yourself with compassion)

While doing this exercise, you probably noticed that thought swarming in your head that strove to confuse, and divert attention to yourself. This inner noise accompanies each of us all day long. We are masters of distraction, this is explained by our origin: from the point of view of nature, we are prey, the ancestors constantly had to look around for danger. Today we look around not literally, but mentally, constantly distracted by irritating thoughts.

The problem is that internal anxiety always triggers the fight-or-flight response: the stress hormone cortisol is released into the bloodstream, the pupils dilate so that we see more clearly, the heart beats faster so that blood flows to the arms and legs faster. This is also the legacy of our ancestors: if a predator ran at you, such a reaction of the body was most welcome. But today, feeling anxious, we, as a rule, do not run anywhere, and cortisol, instead of invigorating us, accumulates in the body and strains it in vain. And at the same time, the brain does not care at all whether the threat was real or far-fetched! You imagine an unpleasant conversation with a classmate, replay it over and over again in your mind, your heart starts beating faster, and your fists clench by themselves … Meanwhile, there is no interlocutor nearby, these are all imagination games. But cortisol has already splashed into the blood, and the mood is spoiled.

This is where awareness comes to the rescue. You just have to look around, focus on what you see, hear, feel here and now, and it becomes clear that there is no threat. There are no unpleasant types around, you are sitting in your room on the couch, there is silence around … Well, where is the reason for stress?

Yes, it is impossible to be here and now all the time, sometimes you need to remember and dream up. But you can often evoke this feeling in yourself. The key to this is your physical sensations. Concentrate on what you hear, see, and feel here and now, from the sounds outside the window to the feeling of soles on the floor, and anxiety will go away. She nests either in the past or in the future, and the path is closed to her in the present.

To help you focus on the present moment:

  • a small object that fits in your palm: a pencil, a smooth stone, a toy. Study it carefully: all the shades of color, all the marks on it. Notice how it reflects light. Is he cool or warm? What smells? The more you are focused on the subject, the further away the anxiety is from you;
  • music that relaxes you (but without words – they distract). Take a comfortable position, you can even close your eyes. Focus completely on the composition, and mentally follow its ups and downs. If extraneous thoughts come into your head, do not pay any attention to them, focus again on the music. It won’t be easy at first, but a few of these music sessions will do the trick.

Mindfulness is stronger when it is reinforced by feelings of kindness to yourself.

Exercise “You and your body”

Give it about 15 minutes. Lie on your back (you can on the bed, or you can on the floor) and take a few calm breaths and exhalations. But now pay all attention not only to the breath itself, but also to the sensations of different parts of the body. Think about what is going on inside of you right now. You can start with the feet. What are they at this moment: tense or relaxed? Or maybe tired? Just think about the load on our legs! How much work do they do in a day!

We rise above: the stomach. It seems relaxed, but what an intricate work the organs hidden in it do. Here, for example, is the liver, which we usually do not feel. This is a real chemical laboratory, right now hundreds of vital processes are taking place there… You hear the beating of the heart. Another tireless worker: a beat per second, two and a half billion beats in a lifetime – and not a single stop, day after day. Isn’t it surprising? Put your hand on your heart and just thank the body for all the work that it does for you every second at the behest of nature. Just like that, for nothing, because you are you. You can place grateful attention on every part of your body.

Now slowly stretch and sit up. What are your feelings? Do you feel different than at the beginning of the exercise?

(Treat yourself with compassion)

The problem with unpleasant thoughts is not only that they come uninvited (and sometimes in groups), but also that we drive them away from ourselves. Such resistance is the enemy of awareness. Mindfulness is the ability to accept life as it is. Resistance is an attempt to insist that the people and things around us become different: parents are more accommodating, teachers are kinder, and classmates are friendlier. Of course, in itself, this feeling does not change anything, only annoying. Simple exercises will help to stop resisting and calm down.

Exercise “In the rhythm of breathing”

Sit or lie down in such a position to maintain concentration (if you sit, it is important to keep your back straight, do not slouch). You can close your eyes, but if you leave them open, do not focus on a specific point, let your eyes rest.

Take a few slow breaths, while paying attention to how the air enters and exits the lungs. All sensations are important: how the air tickles the nostrils, how the chest fills with it. Listen to the sensations of breathing from the beginning of inhalation to the very exhalation. If you notice your mind wandering (which is inevitable), just keep watching your breath.

Devote a few minutes to mindful breathing. At the end of the exercise, simply allow all the thoughts that came into your head at that time to be as they are. It seems not easy, but the secret is that thoughts are not facts. How many times have you imagined a situation dangerous, disturbing, and everything turned out to be much simpler. How many times have you suspected the interlocutor of bad thoughts, but he didn’t think about anything like that. Thoughts pretend to be definitive answers, but in reality they are only versions. So just let them float in your head like clouds in the sky.

This exercise has a mini version: do three conscious breaths three times a day, even if you do not feel any stress.

(Treat yourself with compassion)

Exercise “Where is emotion hiding?”

Take a comfortable position, close your eyes and take three deep relaxing breaths. Imagine the problem that is bothering you at the moment. Let it be not too large-scale problem, but not the most trifling. Imagine an exciting situation in detail, its participants, the situation. Imagine that your consciousness is a bowl, and your emotions are water: at what level is the water in the bowl?

What do you feel when you think about this problem: anger? sadness? longing? irritation? anxiety? If there are several emotions, which one is the strongest? Name this emotion in a soft, sympathetic voice, because it is not easy to experience. Imagine that a friend has the same situation: how would you sympathize with him? Turn these words to your address.

Now scan your body: where exactly is the unpleasant emotion hiding? Pressing the chest? Does it make your jaw clench? Stomach tickling? Do not drive this feeling, but simply mark it. Imagine that you put a warm heating pad on this place or plunge into hot water. Isn’t it true that the body relaxes? But if you can only notice and name the emotion, that’s not bad either. Accept it as it is (thoughts are not facts!). Keep breathing slowly.

Finally, say a few comforting words to yourself. It’s not easy to experience negative feelings, but you paid attention to one of them and accepted it, and it’s worth a lot. The moment you named and recognized an emotion, your prefrontal cortex kicked in — the one responsible for logic and analysis. As you remember, it is not easy for her, she is only developing. By reaching out to your prefrontal cortex, you helped it get a little stronger.

Now choose words of encouragement that you enjoy and say them to yourself.

And by the way, what’s with your bowl of emotions? What is the water level in it now?

(Treat yourself with compassion)

Remember this exercise whenever you feel your emotions take over. You can do it faster, you can do it slower, but the principle is the same:

  • Name a negative emotion
  • find it in the body;
  • do not drive, but do not feed the emotion with new thoughts, just accept it and calmly observe what will happen next;
  • remember that at this moment the mind takes over the feelings – let him do it.


Understanding yourself as part of a community(Treat yourself with compassion)

Humans are social beings: in ancient times, our ancestors could not survive alone. Loneliness is hard to bear. In difficult moments, we are overtaken by just such a feeling: I am alone, no one understands me, no one cares about me. This is not so, there will always be someone who is ready to support: parents, best friend, understanding teacher. Strengthen this feeling with the help of exercises.

1. Looking for inner similarities with others

The exercise “He looks like me” (Treat yourself with compassion)

consists of three steps (with the third, let’s face it, the most difficult).

Step 1. Think of someone in your class. Let it be not the best friend and not even a friend, you may not be very familiar with him. Think: how do you feel about him? Not bad? Don’t pay much attention? Somehow else? And how does he (a) look, what is the expression of his / her face, what is he (a) wearing? Now think about this: this person is just like you. He has his own feelings and experiences. He, like you, is angry and irritated. And he, of course, would like to be angry and annoyed less often, like you yourself. Don’t you want someone or something to help this person get through the hard times? Don’t you want him not to suffer? To be cheerful and balanced? Wish it to him as you wish yourself. Now pay attention to your feelings. Has something changed in your attitude towards this person?

Step 2. Everything is the same, but this time imagine the main lucky class. The one you think is doing great: perfect hair, clear skin, no fans/fans to get through, Instagram photos are perfect…

Step 3. Everything is the same, but now imagine someone who annoys you, infuriates, infuriates you. Yes, he is also a person… He should also be wished for support… Yes, yes, this stage is not easy to pass. We warned. But if you honestly do this exercise and believe everything you say, you will have very cool sensations.

(Treat yourself with compassion)

The exercise is unusual … You probably already understood its meaning: the people around are not too different from you. We are all alike, we all have difficult days, and we all have flaws. They do not make us inferior. Rather, they bring us all together. And make us stronger when we learn from those mistakes.

2. Learning to listen

You are talking with someone, and he interrupts you with an inappropriate question – obviously, at that moment he was thinking about something of his own. It’s a shame! But you probably caught yourself on such inattention.

Listening to the interlocutor, we most often follow his remarks with only one part of the consciousness, while the other is completely occupied with the future answer – we prepare it ahead of time, without listening to the end. Such dialogues usually turn into arguments and meaningless ones.

Listening to others is a skill and a difficult skill. How to have a dialogue. You can not completely subjugate the attention of the interlocutor. But you can build a conversation in such a way that a real understanding arises between you. You can prepare for such conversations.

Exercise “Can you hear me?”

Think of something important that you would like to share with a loved one, but have not decided yet. Having decided on the topic, listen to the sensations of your own body. Do you feel any tension: the forehead is wrinkled, the jaws are clenched, the hands are tense? Are you able to relax? Don’t order yourself to relax, don’t worry about it at all, but accept the state of the body as it is. Now pay attention to the outside world. What sounds around you do you hear? Just listen and don’t rush anywhere.

Now listen to your heart. What would you like to say to a loved one? Formulate your request. Take the time to do so if you need to. Imagine that the interlocutor really hears you. What will he say in response? What is it like for him to answer if he is your father or, say, a teacher? The answers may be very different, and perhaps not what you would like to hear. Everyone has their own motives: your father is concerned about your safety and well-being, your teacher cares about your school performance, and everyone is right in their own way. Do you have something to say in return?

Now go back to feeling your body. How do you feel when you lie or sit on the couch/chair/bed? For a while, fixate only on the sensations of the body. Then think of a mental dialogue. What impression did he leave in your soul?

(Treat yourself with compassion)

3. When communicating, remember the power of calmness:Treat yourself with compassion

And if the conversation is not imaginary, but quite real? Before answering the interlocutor, make sure that you are calm and focused. You can only be calm when you feel supported. And the most reliable support comes from yourself. And you already know different ways to calm down.

Let’s say your parents don’t let you go to a friend’s party, you’re angry and upset… What to do?

  • Come back to the present moment: feel the sounds, smells, and sensations around and inside you.
  • Think of soothing touch, even in your mind.
  • Accept your feelings (“Yes, I am angry, and who wouldn’t be angry in such a situation? ..”). Tell yourself words of support with which you would turn to a friend (“I understand your feelings …”).
  • Remember that the interlocutor has his own truth and his own motives, they do not always contradict yours. Parents make sure that you are safe and sound. But you’re interested in that too, right? Understand their arguments, and be as focused as possible on their words.

No conversation is the same. You can keep a record of them in a notebook, these notes will help you figure out what happened and what to do next time.

The basis of your “I”:Treat yourself with compassion

Self-compassion cannot exist alone. Like a flower, it lives only in good soil. This “land” is what is important to you and what you are grateful for.


What is important to you?
:Treat yourself with compassion(Treat yourself with compassion)

Everyone has values ​​1. Moreover, everyone should have them, a person without values ​​is like a weather vane in the wind. For some, the key value is family and home, for others, it is sports, for others it is self-realization in work. What values ​​do you have? It’s time to decide on them!

Imagine a house…

(Treat yourself with compassion)
  • The house has a foundation (what do you consider important for your life right now?).
  • The house has windows (how do you see your future?).
  • Someone lives in the house (who are the people who determine your life?).
  • The house is fenced in (what would you like to stay away from?).
  • There is a garden around the house (what skills, talents, skills would you like to develop in yourself?).

Don’t rush, think carefully. As you mentally travel around the house, you can come up with new questions. Write down the answers in a notebook.

(Treat yourself with compassion)

Now that you have decided on your values, you probably understand what prevents these values ​​from being realized. Maybe the influence of friends? Your indecision? Something else? Be that as it may, do not criticize yourself for deviating from values. Even the largest ships sometimes deviate from the desired course. A compass helps them not to go into free-swimming, and a promise will help you. First, decide on the key value of your life, and then come up with a corresponding promise.

Let’s say you love music and see yourself as a violinist in the future. Then the promise will be: “I promise that I will devote time to the violin every day.”

(Treat yourself with compassion)

It’s easy to forget a promise. To avoid this:

  • write down the promise and place it in a prominent place (phone screen, mirror);
  • set an alarm for a certain time of the day: the call will remind you of the promise;
  • make a keyword out of a promise as a password from mail or social networks.


What are you grateful for?

There is much more good around than it seems, but our own brain prevents us from seeing it. Oddly enough, his program has a “happiness fuse” built into it. For many centuries, our ancestors had to survive in unpredictable nature, so the brain has learned best to keep track of possible dangers. From an evolutionary point of view, it is better to be anxious than happy. The modern world is a hundred times safer, and the mental settings remain the same. But the brain can be taught to be optimistic.

Exercise “Collection of moments”

Always pay attention to the events and people that made you smile. It could be a good joke, or a funny insect crawling up a tree in the park, or just a ray of sunshine tickling your face. When you meet with joy, focus on it, using all your senses: smell it, look at the play of shades, pay attention to the texture of the object. Listen carefully to your feelings in such moments. It’s great if you create a collection of such moments, say, by photographing them on your phone. You can dedicate special walks to their search, and save photos with moments in a special folder: in sad moments, watching them is great.

Exercise “What I’m Thankful For”

This exercise requires a timer. Take a minute to write down everything you are grateful for. Some points will be obvious (my own room, a loving family), some will seem like familiar little things (favorite notebook, favorite song), but it is important to write everything down. If you get stuck on one point, write the same thing over and over again until something new comes to mind. When the timer rings, listen to your feelings. Is it really more fun? You can do this exercise daily.

Exercise “The Best of Me”

Good should be appreciated not only around, but also in oneself. It’s not easy (remember, the brain has been trained for millennia to be a pessimist), but that’s what true self-love is. Close your eyes and focus on what you feel and feel in the present moment. Spend a few minutes on this observation, do not chase away feelings and sensations, treat them like clouds floating across the sky. After a few minutes of calm relaxation, think about one or two things that you really like about yourself. Be as honest as possible with yourself, consider both big and small. You don’t have to be perfect to find the good in yourself.

Maybe it will be easier to evaluate yourself if you think about the fact that the good in you is connected with the support of other people: parents, friends, teachers, authors of the books you read. If such people came to mind, mentally send them gratitude. Try to feel as fully as possible the pleasant feeling that you are pleased with yourself.

(Treat yourself with compassion)

How about making gratitude a habit? What if you often remember the things that you like about yourself? The more you think about it, the easier it is to accept yourself for who you are. And this is the main condition for a happy life.

Top 10 Thoughts(Treat yourself with compassion)

1. If you are 12-15 years old, emotions take over the mind more often than you want. It’s not you, but the brain is to blame: it’s just still growing.

2. Appreciate yourself not only for what you do well but also just like that, for the fact that you are you.

3. Our brain has been trained for thousands of years to be a pessimist. But it can be re-educated: remember and collect moments that cause joy. You can take pictures of them, and then review the photo.

4. The fastest way to be kind to yourself is to do something pleasant and beloved: talk to a good friend, play your favorite game.

5. Choose one or more soothing touches – those that work unmistakably for you. In difficult times, turn to them, even if only mentally.

6. Whenever you start to worry, concentrate on the present moment: feelings, sounds, smells around. Anxiety does not know how to live in the present.(Treat yourself with compassion)

7. Not always the inner critic is wrong. Take his words not as a reproach, but as a hint.

8. If an unpleasant emotion is about to take over the mind, name it, determine exactly how your body feels it, and don’t drive it away, but simply accept it because emotions are not facts yet. This is how you help your brain learn to reason.

9. Decide on the main values ​​​​of life and make a promise to yourself not to deviate from them.

10. Collect reasons to be grateful.

1.  See the chapter on values ​​in  Dream, Plan, Achieve. Self-development training for teenagers #1″. 

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